Why complaining isn’t serving you

Silence can be awkward.  We are conditioned to share our stuff, sharing is caring isn’t it? And women love to share! Men would laugh about it, because isn’t that what all women do? And yes, in our genes it goes back till ancient time, when men were sitting in front of the cave, staring at the horizon. He was looking for that big animal to show up. He ran, killed and came back with his prey. He proudly showed the wife how big this animal was and how enormously brave and tough he was. He would drop it into the cave so the wife could prepare and cook the meat, while he took off and start staring into a fire for the rest of the evening. And please, without talking, he wanted to have that piece of meat on a plate in front of him.

The wife on the other hand, had lots of jobs to do, keeping the cave clean, taking care of the kids and farm animals, do the laundry and make sure the man was happy. She needed her chatting skills to know where all the juicy berries were. She knew what to do when a kid was sick and shared the most amazing Mammoth recipes with her friends. For women, sharing and connecting meant surviving.

But I started to ask myself, why do I want to share so much about daily events? I recognized, that there was also a lot of stuff that wasn’t meaningful to share at all. Have you ever paid attention to the subjects you talk about? For me, it came down to five things:
• Complaining or gossiping
• Making others wrong- making myself right
• Not being sure about my own answers, and asked for the approval or opinion of others
• Sharing out of a feeling of the same level of interest and joy
• Sharing out of a deeper connection to lift the energy to a higher level

It was very obvious that the first three aren’t doing any good. Not for myself and not for others. When I complain, there are things that irritate me, and now I know, I need to ask myself questions about that irritation, because that helps me grow and stops bringing my energy to a lower level. And when I gossip, there is just one thing I ask myself: Is bringing this up, better than being in silence? Of course, the answer was no, because, what is it that I want to be right about by making the other wrong?
And the one that gave me the most breakthroughs was, who do I need approval from and do opinions of others really help me to grow or are others just bringing their own reality to the table? When I was telling people that I would move to Australia, I felt really shaky in the beginning when people reacted in shock, Oh, how fearful and are you really selling your house? While in the end, that is only a reflection of the others own fears and perceptions.

What can you choose the next time you feel the need to share? If it is about complaining, gossiping or making wrong, what choice can you make? Decide to do something about it so the complaining can stop. And if others start complaining and you feel uncomfortable with that, say so or tap into your inner peace and just give them a loving smile!


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Lieke Jansen

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