Stt… I have to admit…

Social media is always a perfect way to create a kind of perfect picture right? So today, I share with you something about me that isn’t so perfect at all.

I will admit something straight away.

I am guilty as hell.

I am a recovering addict. Not from alcohol, not from drugs.

I am a recovering perfectionist.

I had a need to feel in control. To plan. To be three steps ahead. To avoid as much pain, shame and guilt as possibility. And I was good at it. Even to a point, like a real addict, that I thought others wouldn’t notice.

But for recovering perfectionists are no clinics. No detox centers. Where someone would explain to me it was all FAKE. All fake security. But I had no clue and would have moved a village to make sure I felt as safe as possible.

My world turned upside down when I had my two children within two years’ time. Every little strategy I had to feel secure, got thrown out of the window.

* Sleep? Highly overrated when you are a new mum.
* Exercise? Uuh, no missy, think again, not for you.
* Express myself through music or art? No way. Yes I learned the art of breastfeeding and changing diapers. But drawing or playing piano, wasn’t in my playbook.
* A 5 minute break for yourself? Nope. Even the toilet wasn’t a good hiding place, my kids just marched in.

So I developed a new strategy. And that strategy was analyzing more, worrying more, complicating it more, asking for the opinions of others more often. AKA hanging around way to much in my head! Because let’s be real, in a male driven education and work system, that is the strategy I thought would help me. I didn’t know yet that us females are designed to be intuitive, to trust, to allow. That that IS our superpower and THE way to achieve things and make decisions. There is definitely not much room for worrying or analyzing in the female approach.

Because did the worrying helped? Nope. All kind of negative self-talk was going through my head. Now that I couldn’t do my own little rituals anymore, it got worse because I thought I wasn’t doing enough. With the emphasis on doing. But to trust my intuition and all that was coming my way, I first had to do less and BE more.

And oh my gosh, what a journey it was. And what a journey it still is. Just like an addict, when I am not feeling well, tired or out of balance, the easiest thing to do is default to old strategies. Sooo not helping! Thank god there is chocolate in those moments ;-).

I feel extremely lucky that I have put myself in the position that I learned there are better ways to stop being in my head and blaming myself for not “doing enough”. That I realized that the financial job that I was in, wasn’t the way I am designed to make the biggest impact. Because yes, I am good at it, but coaching women like you to ditch perfectionism so you can enjoy your family life AND help you see your superpowers to make a difference while making money, that is my gift. So you can stop controlling, feeling guilty or stressed. To ditch the tightness on your chest and the yelling at your kids because you are stressed.

I want to create a movement where mums feel confident to manage their family AND have a job or business they find fulfillment in. Join me to create a ripple effect. The world needs your beautiful female powers. And I want you to see, that you are worth it to have it both!

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About the Author

Lieke Jansen